Why I didn't marry an African man

Marriage is the only institution that brings two different individuals together and they become one not two. It is a sacred union and individuals involved are accountable to God for what they do in it.

Like I always say, who one decides to marry can either make you forever or totally disrupt your purpose for the rest of your life except for mercy. This is why it is very important for singles to be careful and patient in choosing who they intend to ride with through out life. Great people have been shut down because they chose the wrong partners.

When I hear men boast or pride in " I am an African man", I wonder what exactly they mean. Do they mean that they are just proud of their identity as Blacks or that they are in support of traditions that work against the institution of marriage. Any woman that ends up with men who possess such archaic African mindset is doomed for life.

I can proudly and emphatically say that I chose the right man for me who happens not to be a typical African man. I'm not flaunting or just boasting but I mean, I chose a man with a renewed mind who can do ANYTHING for peace and love in our marriage, never minding tradition. He believes that tradition is too small to contain the juice in marriage so he disregards any that doesn't help or foster love, peace and unity in marriage.

There are a lot of believes in Africa that most people still hold on to and believe in. In my opinion, flexibility and modernization changes things especially when there is another option far better than the already existing one. But when an individual says, what already exists can't changed, then such is said to be rigid and obviously against progress. I say this because I have often come across some men who say, ''I can't do this or that for my wife or in my marriage, I'm an African man. . . . as tradition demands ". Men who talk like that need a renewing of the mind. Nobody is born rigid or with a wrong attitude. We all choose who we become. When a particular way of doing things seem to fail, another option should be used.

Don't get me wrong, African tradition promotes respect and high moral standards more than any other but the traditional believes I totally disagree with are those that condemn and discourages love, care and unity in marriage.

I have always been an anti tradition person and this is because, some traditional believes especially as it concerns marriage go against the peace of any home. For an instance,  I have heard of a tradition that says it is a taboo for a man to wash his wife's pants and clothes especially when she's on her mensuration period. Why should this be? For some women, they totally breakdown or are very weak when they start their period so what is wrong with her husband helping her? I have also heard of one that doesn't permit a man  to share bathing bucket with his wife. Is this not plain division? Does the bible support this? Another one states that when a woman gives birth, the child is not for her but for her husband's people. I honestly laughed when I heard this because, first of all, who carries the pregnancy? Who cared for this child, making sacrifices too? Only the parents of the child of cause! So, how then does that child now belong to the man's people? Is this also biblical?

The mode of bride price paying is one aspect I have always disagreed with where people who never contributed to the well being of a girl or probably have never even met her, are in the position to decide what should be paid as dowry. I will deal with this extensive in one of my subsequent posts.

There are a lot of sensitive areas of traditional believes a marriage that are against the longevity of homes. And in my opinion, whatever tradition will not foster peace and allow the autonomy of the man and wife (in taking care of their home) should be disregarded and abolished.

God's original plan for marriage is for the man and his wife to enjoy love, peace, fruitfulness and unity in their home. Any law or tradition that wasn't born out of God's original script for marriage is invalid and should be knocked down.

Can you tell me what other tradition you know that is totally against the peace and unity of marriage???
Drop you comment and let's hear!!