I am Yoruba so why must I marry from my tribe?!!

Wednesday last week, my husband and I went over to my daughter's school to sort out some details with the school administrator. Prior to this time, I had suspected that she (the admin officer) was from my place of origin because I heard her speak my dialect (A dialect is a language spoken by a minority with differences in vocabulary, style, spelling and pronunciation belonging to a community or small group of people). But I wasn't so sure and didn't want to be too forward in asking her. So, while we got talking, along the line, we affirmed that she was from my place of origin. We were both so excited to know that! In excitement she stated her love for couples who speak same language apart from English. In her words, "I really love it when husband and wife communicate in the same local dialect instead of English as a result of language barrier".

Now, when I was single, I  despised men from my tribe. In fact, I never dated a man from my tribe because I wanted to break that norm of same tribe marriage. Although, I was really close to a few reasonable ones from my tribe but eventually never considered them. I say it anywhere that most men from my tribe have strong and annoying ego issues. Some of them literally lack proper manners in treating their wives well except for a very few who either didn't grow up in that environment or have deliberately developed a different orientation about life and marriage generally. This and more made me stand my ground in not marrying a typical tribal man as most of my family member would have loved. Though my parents were indifferent about who I eventually get married to, most parents however would make it a law for their children to marry someone from a nearby village from theirs or someone from their tribe.

Yes, this opinion has its advantages but if we all stick to this despite the wishes and happiness of our children, how does it benefit us (parents)? What if they get married to someone we would wish and such choices end up being a dividing line between families eventually or such choices bring nothing but trouble to our children?

I loved the intertribal marriage setting where both can accept, learn and appreciate the dynamics of the language (a body of word used and understood by a community for communication) of the other person.
I know so many couples who are married wives and husbands from an extremely different tribe and culture and they learn each other's language and speak it too. They didn't make language a barrier in communicating with each other. This is just about 60% of couples though as not everyone have such capacity of learning to speak a  language quickly.

Haven said this, I still strongly suggest that people shouldn't make the choice of who to marry based on tribal sentiments. My husband and I are from the same state but our dialect are different. I can't speak or understand his dialect at all. But he grew up speaking my dialect because he lived and grew up in a town that speak my dialect/ his mother is from a community that speaks it too. This is only a mere addition for me and it wasn't a merit point at all. If he was from my place of origin, I probably wouldn't have married him. I married him first because he was the man who I could comfortably spend the rest of my life with in peace, joy, fulfillment purpose. It was never based on tribal sentient.

My grandma once told us that, the reason she would love all her children and grandchildren to marry from our tribe is so that when she comes visiting or we meet anywhere, she would be free  to communicate in our dialect/language with our spouses  without the language barrier. As good as this reason sounds, I feel there is a little bit of selfishness in it. There are people who are from my tribe but can't communicate in my language effectively. Should this now mean that they can't get married because of language barrier? This is why a lot of homes don't last because of rules created by culture and parents who made it mandatory for their children which never work as expected.

There are other ways we can discover for ourselves how to effectively communicate with each other in marriage. I know a couple who are from different countries but created a kind of language in the home which no one else can understand. Its a secret code strictly for members of that family. By doing this, they totally broken the language barrier!
This article is particularly for parents and families who deprive their children of the joy and fulfilment in marriage because of tribal discrimination. Irrespective of differences in tribe, culture and dialects, we can still effectively communicate when we learn to accept them for who they are first. Love will then pull you to know how best to interact and get along.

Parents and everyone must first seek the happiness, joy and peace of our loved ones in making their choice of who to marry rather than our selfish reasons.
Marriage is more than mere tribal sentiment. Its a life time to creating and building a home that will in turn be an addition to the society and world at large. Marriage whether tribal or intertribal is a blessing and not a point of division!!